You Can Love Parts of Your Past and Still Leave It Behind
Leaving behind a part of your life whether it’s a religion, a relationship, or a version of yourself that once kept you safe, can be complicated. People often assume it's all-or-nothing: either you’re grateful or you're angry, either you’ve healed or you’re bitter, either it was good or it was harmful.
But real life, and real healing, doesn’t work that way.
It’s possible to hold love and grief. Gratitude and resentment. You can look back at your past with warmth in one hand and boundaries in the other. You can mourn what it gave you, and still choose to walk away.
“But It Wasn’t All Bad…”
Many clients tell us:
“I had a couple good memories growing up in the church—I just can’t be part of it anymore.”
“My family did their best. But their best still hurt me.”
“That relationship gave me a lot. And it also broke me.”
There’s a common fear that naming harm means erasing the good. Or that by acknowledging the positive, you're betraying the parts of you that were wounded.
But healing doesn’t ask you to erase anything. It invites you to hold the whole truth.
Mixed Emotions Are a Sign of Growth
When you’ve been raised in high-demand systems (like strict families or religious institutions), you may have learned to think in extremes: Right or wrong. Loyal or ungrateful. Holy or lost. All good or all bad.
This black-and-white thinking can carry over into adulthood, especially during healing. You might feel like you have to choose a narrative—but what if the truth is messier than that?
What if:
You can miss the music and community and still feel hurt by the messages.
You can love your parents and still hold them accountable.
You can be proud of who you were and still outgrow that version of you.
Grieving Doesn’t Mean Regret
You’re allowed to grieve things that were once meaningful—even if you’ve chosen to leave them behind.
Leaving your faith doesn’t mean it was all fake. Ending a relationship doesn’t mean it never mattered. Letting go of old coping strategies doesn’t mean they weren’t helpful at one point.
Grief is how your body honors what mattered. It’s not weakness—it’s integration.
Your Nervous System Remembers
Sometimes your brain knows you’ve made the right decision—but your body still flinches at the thought of letting go.
That’s because our nervous systems often hold onto patterns longer than our logic does. This is especially true for those healing from religious trauma, family enmeshment, or attachment wounds. You may find yourself:
Craving familiar structure or rituals even after leaving
Feeling disloyal when you speak your truth
Struggling with guilt, even if you know you’re safe now
This doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you're healing at the speed of trust.
At Found, We Make Room for the In-Between
We know that healing isn’t linear, and identity isn’t all-or-nothing. At Found Mental Health, we work with clients who are navigating life after faith transitions, leaving toxic family systems, and rebuilding after loss—without erasing what those past chapters meant.
You’re allowed to carry the beauty of your past with you, even as you write something new. You don’t have to hate where you came from to know it’s not where you’re going.
Offices located in Provo, UT | Online help available across Utah
