When Family Doesn’t Feel Safe: Building Your Chosen Family
Family is often portrayed as your automatic source of love and support.
But for many people (especially those navigating toxic dynamics, rejection, or painful history), family doesn’t always feel safe.
And that’s okay. You can create a “chosen family” of people who love, accept, and support you as you are.
When “Family” Isn’t Safe
Sometimes, being with your family means feeling:
Judged or criticized
Unseen or unheard
Pressured to be someone you’re not
Emotionally or physically unsafe
This can be especially true for:
Survivors of abuse or neglect
People who have left high-control religions
LGBTQ+ individuals facing rejection
What Is a “Chosen Family”?
A chosen family is a group of people you intentionally build relationships with—friends, mentors, partners—who show you unconditional support.
They may not share your DNA, but they:
Respect your boundaries
Accept you as you are
Celebrate your wins
Stand by you in hard times
How to Build Your Chosen Family
1. Start with Your Values
Ask yourself:
“What do I want to feel in my relationships?”
Maybe it’s safety, laughter, acceptance, encouragement.
2. Nurture Healthy Connections
Look for people who:
Listen without judgment
Encourage your growth
Respect your boundaries
Share similar values or interests
3. Let Go of Guilt
Choosing who gets to be in your life isn’t betrayal—it’s self-preservation.
4. Invest in Mutual Care
Healthy relationships are reciprocal. Offer the same care, respect, and presence you want to receive.
Practical Ways to Find Your People
Join interest-based groups or clubs
Volunteer for a cause you care about
Connect through therapy groups or support circles
Reach out to people you’ve lost touch with but trust
You Deserve Belonging
It’s okay to seek love and support outside of your family of origin.
You’re allowed to create relationships that feel safe, supportive, and truly yours.
At Found, we help you navigate family loss, strengthen boundaries, and build meaningful connections—whether that’s with relatives, friends, or chosen family.
Offices located in Provo, UT | Online therapy across Utah
