Your Inner Critic Isn’t Your Fault—It’s a Survival Strategy
You should’ve known better.
You always mess things up.
You’re too sensitive. Lazy. Selfish. Not enough.
If you’ve ever caught your inner voice saying these things, you’re not alone. Most people have an inner critic—but for some, it’s not just a whisper. It’s a constant presence, shaping your self-worth, your relationships, and your sense of safety.
Here’s what we want you to know: your inner critic didn’t come out of nowhere. It developed for a reason. And even if it’s hurting you now, it likely started out trying to keep you safe.
The Inner Critic Is a Pattern—Not a Personality Flaw
Many clients tell us, “I’m just hard on myself,” or “I’m my own worst enemy.” But the critic isn't a reflection of who you are—it's a reflection of what you learned.
You may have grown up in environments where:
Love was conditional on performance or obedience
Criticism was framed as “help” or “correction”
Emotional needs were minimized or punished
High-control systems (religious or family) taught you to distrust yourself
Safety depended on staying small, quiet, or perfect
In those systems, self-criticism may have felt like protection. If you could judge yourself first, maybe no one else would. If you could anticipate what was “wrong” with you, maybe you could fix it and avoid rejection.
What the Inner Critic Sounds Like
Your critic may show up as:
Harsh self-talk after a mistake
Anxiety about being misunderstood or disliked
Guilt for saying no or setting boundaries
Shame after rest, joy, or success
Paralysis before starting anything new
It might sound like your parent, a teacher, a pastor—or just an ever-present pressure to be better, smarter, kinder, thinner, more productive, more “holy,” more everything.
It’s a Strategy Your Nervous System Learned
Your inner critic is not your enemy—it’s an outdated protector.
Think of it like a part of you that’s stuck in survival mode, still operating under old rules:
“Don’t stand out—it’s not safe.”
“If you mess up, you’ll lose love.”
“Criticize yourself before anyone else can.”
In trauma-informed therapy, we explore how to shift from self-judgment to self-curiosity. Because beating yourself up is not the same as accountability. And growth doesn’t require shame.
What Healing Can Look Like
You don’t have to silence the critic with force. You can learn to:
Get curious about what the critic is protecting
Separate your voice from the inner critic’s
Build inner relationships with gentler, wiser parts of you
Practice self-compassion—even when you don’t “feel” like you deserve it
Find safety in being human—not perfect
Over time, the critic doesn’t disappear—but it softens. It no longer drives the car. It becomes a voice you can hear without obeying.
At Found, You Don’t Have to Perform Healing
At Found, we understand that harsh inner voices often come from places of trauma, control, or emotional deprivation. We help clients explore their inner world through parts work (like IFS), somatic awareness, and compassionate curiosity.
You’re not broken for having an inner critic. You’re adaptive. And you’re allowed to build a life where self-worth doesn’t depend on perfection or punishment.
Offices located in Provo, UT | Online help available across Utah
