Setting Boundaries with Family Without the Guilt
If setting boundaries with your family makes you feel selfish, wrong, or “bad”... you're not alone.
Many of us grew up in environments where saying no wasn’t an option, or where our needs were labeled as disrespectful or ungrateful. But here’s the truth:
Boundaries aren’t walls to shut people out. They’re fences to protect what matters: your peace, your energy, your mental health.
At Found, we work with adults who are learning how to have healthier relationships with family. And yes, that almost always includes setting boundaries and navigating the guilt that comes with it.
What Are Boundaries, Really?
Boundaries are clear limits we set to protect our emotional, physical, or mental well-being. They sound like:
“I’m not comfortable talking about that.”
“I need time before I respond to texts like this.”
“I can’t attend that event, but I hope it goes well.”
And they’re usually met with some resistance, especially if your family isn’t used to hearing “no.”
Why Do I Feel So Guilty?
Because you've likely been conditioned to believe that:
Family always comes first
Saying no = rejecting love
Being “good” means being available 24/7
This is especially true for those raised in high-demand religious cultures (yes, we're looking at you, former Mormons) where people-pleasing is mistaken for love.
But guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
Often, it means you’re doing something new.
Boundaries in Action: Quick Scripts
Here are a few simple phrases to try:
“That’s not something I’m open to discussing right now.”
“I need space to make my own decisions.”
“I care about our relationship, and this boundary helps protect it.”
**Pro Tip: You don’t owe anyone a full explanation. A short, calm sentence is enough.
Boundaries = Relationship Health
Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting people out, but it’s about making relationships sustainable.
You might feel guilty at first. That’s normal. But on the other side of guilt is freedom. Peace. Self-respect.
And you deserve all three.
