How to Talk to Your Family When Leaving Religion (Without Losing Your Mind)
Leaving a religion (especially one that shaped your entire worldview) can be life-altering. It can also be incredibly isolating when your family still believes.
At Found, we work with a lot of individuals who are navigating the emotional fallout of faith transitions. Whether you left Mormonism or another high-demand religion, one of the hardest parts is knowing how to talk to your family about it.
Let’s walk through some tools that can help you feel more grounded, confident, and clear.
Why It’s So Hard
When you leave a religion your family is still deeply tied to, it can feel like:
You’re betraying your upbringing
You’re constantly walking on eggshells
They’re more focused on “saving” you than understanding you
Conversations get emotional, defensive, or totally shut down
It’s not just about beliefs—it’s about belonging, identity, and loss. And it’s okay to grieve all of that.
You Don’t Owe Anyone Your Deconstruction
Let’s be clear: you don’t have to explain your spiritual journey to anyone who isn’t safe, respectful, or curious.
But if you do want to talk to family, it helps to prepare yourself emotionally first.
Tips for Talking to Believing Family
1. Know Your Why
Why are you having this conversation? Is it to connect, to set boundaries, or to clear the air? Get grounded in your intention so you don’t get swept up in defending yourself.
2. Use Gentle, Firm Language
Try these scripts:
“I know our beliefs are different now, but I still care about our relationship.”
“I’m not open to being preached to. Can we agree to disagree?”
“I’m still figuring things out, and I need space to do that without pressure.”
3. Don’t Argue Facts—Stick to Feelings
Avoid debates. Instead of “The church was wrong about X,” try:
“It just stopped feeling like the right place for me.”
You’re allowed to tell your truth without trying to change theirs.
4. Set Emotional Boundaries
If the conversation gets hurtful or manipulative, it’s okay to pause. Example:
“I care about you, but this feels like it’s heading somewhere painful. Let’s take a break.”
You can also limit the depth or frequency of these talks. Boundaries are spiritual self-care.
5. Find Community Elsewhere
It’s hard to lose spiritual belonging. But healing happens in safe, validating spaces. That might be:
Ex-religious support groups
LGBTQ+ affirming communities
A therapist who understands religious trauma (hi, that’s us!)
You Deserve Peace, Even If They Don’t Understand
You’re not selfish for leaving a system that no longer felt right. You’re not broken for needing distance. And you’re not alone.
At Found, we support adults working through faith transitions, family conflict, and spiritual trauma with care, nuance, and zero judgment.
Based in Provo, UT | Virtual therapy available across Utah
